Failure Resume

Chris Powell

Education - 1991 to 1996

  • Completely torpedoed my GPA in my first quarter transferring to a university, barely passing two out of my three courses.
  • Failed at being a Computer Science major. Switched to Accounting major.
  • Failed at being Accounting major. Switched to MIS major, Accounting minor.

Professional Experience - 1987 to present

  • Fired from lot assistant job with boat company for sub-standard work ethic.
  • Fired from short-order cook job with fast food restaurant for sub-standard work ethic and behavioral issues.
  • Fired from bookkeeping job for sub-standard work ethic.
  • Lost seven years’ worth of client’s archived email saved on desktop computer when attempting to fix their email software.
  • Configured 600 computer lab workstations with a typo in the web browser startup URL. Even though the workstations were all connected to the internet, all users would see an error message when starting their browser.
  • Applied for IT position with a retail company. Did not get job offer.
  • Applied for IT manager position with a university. Did not get job offer.
  • Applied for Apple desktop support specialist position with a financial investment firm. Did not get job offer.
  • Applied for Learning Management System admin position with a university. Did not get job offer.

Personal Experience - 1973 to present

  • Asked nine girls to senior year high school homecoming dance. Received nine declines.
  • Auditioned to be on MTV’s The Real World, Season two. Did not get selected.
  • Fell for two women I met online, never saw them in person, learned they were definitely not who they claimed to be.
  • Auditioned for bass guitar slot with well-known female blues singer. Did not get the gig.

Relevant Skills

Self-Control. Overly aggressive behavior while driving, put numerous other drivers in danger with potentially dangerous decisions behind the wheel.

Financial Discipline. Invested $5000 in lucrative opportunity, never saw a dime in return. Accumulated five figures of debt in my 20s decade.

Toxic Inner Narrative. Assuming others are out to sabotage, make fun of, and shame.

Hyper-critical work ethic. Never able to be satisfied with completed work. Always fearful of being terminated for sub-standard results.

References

You should really see a counselor for your anger issues.

  • Former girlfriend

I don’t want to date a Christian.

  • Former girlfriend

I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who couldn’t afford to take me to Mexico for vacation.

  • Former girlfriend
Chris Powell @mnmltek